Dating With HPV
I was single when I found out that I am infected with the sexually transmitted disease, HPV. I was also a new mother and the prospect of dating let alone dating with HPV wasn’t even on my radar. One and half years later I was ready to join the dating scene again and start meeting new people. Starting dating after being single for so long is a challenge in itself. Dating with HPV just added to the challenge. How do you begin dating with HPV? When do you tell someone you have HPV? Will anyone be interested in me after knowing I have HPV?
I made the choice when I started dating with HPV that I would only tell someone I have the STD if there was a chance that I would become intimate with them. I did not feel it was fair to sleep with someone before telling them I have the Human Papillomavirus that can cause cervical cancer even though chances are my partner would already have at least one strain of the the virus. According to the cdc.gov website, “Approximately 20 million people are currently infected with HPV. At least 50 percent of sexually active men and women acquire genital HPV infection at some point in their lives. By age 50, at least 80 percent of women will have acquired genital HPV infection. About 6.2 million Americans get a new genital HPV infection each year.”
 I placed a personal ad on a website and as a result, went on quite a few dates. My personal ad was a positive reflection of me, But because STD’s have such a negative vibe in our society, I left this part out. I would tell someone when I was ready. I told just 3 of the guys I had dated that I was living with HPV.
  One of the guys was OK with it, but we didn’t work out for other reasons. I met another great guy, he and I had a great time together, but he was not comfortable with the idea that I was infected with HPV. This was my first rejection based not on who I was, but because I was infected with a virus. I understood his apprehension and we parted ways.
 One guy in particular was OK that I was living with HPV. He understood the facts I told him about, and felt that my HPV infection was a part of me, but it was not what defined me. We started dating in April of 07 and he is still a part of my life. There is enough stress already that goes along with getting to know a new person. Dating with HPV presents a whole new set of problems. Do you tell someone right away before feelings for one another are developed? Do you get to know them and let them get to know you before you share that you are infected with HPV? This is a very personal choice and truly, you do not have to decide right away.
 Let the decision of when to tell your partner you are infected with the HPV virus be dependant on the dynamic of your progressing relationship with them. I do believe it is only fair to tell them before your relationship becomes sexual. Not telling someone that you are infected with the HPV sexually transmitted disease is not only unfair to them, but it could cause resentment for the lack of honesty when they do find out.Â
How do you tell someone you are infected with HPV? I felt when I was dating with HPV that my best approach to the imminent conversation was with the facts. I visited the CDC.gov website and learned everything I could. When I felt ready to share that I was infected with HPV, I asked the guy to listen closely because I was scared to tell him for fear of rejection, but that I felt it very important that they know. I was honest with my findings and told my possible partners that a condom could help lower the chances of them becoming infected with HPV, but that it did not eliminated them. I told them the percentages on how many women and men have HPV. I shared my own experience with the HPV disease. Not one man was disgusted with me, or scooted away from me. The 3 men I told were appreciative of my honesty.
 They listened carefully and asked questions. I truly don’t think that before me, any women had ever openly admitted to being infected with a STD, let alone in the manner that I did. I suggested to each guy that before we got to know each other further, that they research the HPV disease and learn as much as they could. Then they could come to me later and ask any more questions they may have.
However you approach this conversation is up to you. I recommended a quiet setting without distractions. Be honest and open and let them ask questions. If they are not at ease with the fact that you are infected with HPV it is OK. Possibly they will still want to date and with time become more comfortable, or possibly they just will not and parting ways will be the only option. Realizing to yourself that you will indeed find a man that will see past your HPV infection is important. Not everyone will be, but someone is out waiting for you, and they will accept you the way you are.
You are more then welcome to borrow my ”lines” for telling a guy I have HPV.
 ”Have your seen those ads about a virus that can cause cancer? I actually have that disease. It is a STD that most of the population has, unlucky me I ended up getting a strain that caused problems on my cervix It’s very possible you already have HPV, and because your a guy, unless you have visible warts, there is no way to know. Also, condoms may prevent the spread, but because we get it from skin to skin contact, condoms do not offer full protection.
let him talk here. If he seems uncomfortable…
It’s OK if your not comfortable with it. I won’t be upset and will apprieciate your honesty. I just felt it was important that I tell you before we go any further. Do you have any questions? I don’t know all the facts, but I’ve read up on quite a bit.
If he seems OK with your HPV
“Do you want to go online and learn more together about? We could also discuss this later if you want to research it on your own.”
